polska: the decision

July 10, 2013

Last year my husband went on a mission trip to Poland.
We (Cedar Ridge) have ministry partners there
and they need volunteers for their summer youth camps.
My husband and a friend were the first to go from our church for the basketball camp.
They came back on fire for this mission, the kids, our partners overseas,
and started planning their return trip.

When Jeff went I was definitely envious.
Envious of him living out God's mission to love Him,
to love His people, and to serve His world.
Envious of him living out the adventurous life that God has planned for all of His followers.
While I stayed home.
And did what I always did.
Wiping bottoms, making meals, kissing boo-boos, breaking up fights.
And feeling like a very unimportant part in the Body of Christ.
And then a friend and mentor reminded me that our very homes are mission fields
and we are charged with one of the biggest missions of all...
teaching our children to walk in the Light.
I read this book and asked God to change my heart.
{I highly recommend it!}

Over the past year I've tried to see myself as not just a mother,
but a missionary in my very own home,
and its changed the way I parent and the way I see my life.
And just as I was getting comfortable with this new perspective,
I felt God nudging me to stretch myself again, in a different way.
This time. He wanted me to go.
Yes. As soon as I was settled and comfortable
He asked me to shake things up and get uncomfortable.
I felt His nudging but wasn't sure if it was my own personal desires and wants
or Him truly calling me to Poland.
Then, in several different ways, He showed me my fist.

Chelsea, this is you, holding your life. Your children. You depend on control and order too much.
I am in control, not you. Let me have them. Let me have you. Let me have your life.
I can take care of them better than you. I can plan your life better than you. Trust me.

I started to notice that even when I crawled into bed at night,
my hands would be clenched in fists.
Stress. Control. Worry.
I would have to consciously relax and unfold them.
I use that as a visual now, telling myself to relax (a trait that does not come naturally to me),
take a deep breath, release the tension in my shoulders, and open up my palms to the sky,
to my Heavenly Father, and say "take this from me."

This trip is me saying "take this life of mine. make it what you will. let me serve you however you wish. and trust you unconditionally. I am yours."

more to come…


Anonymous said...

this book is on my summer reading list.
praying for your journey. you are going to have a wonderful time. i can't wait to go on another trip. i know God's going to use all in amazing ways!

Gwen, The Makerista said...

This couldn't come at a better time for me! Our church is extremely mission-minded and I have been longing (and encouraged by pastors) to go on a mission trip for quite some time now. Between pregnancies and nursing, it hasn't been something I can do. We've talked about having one more, but there are parts of me that would like to be done so that I can move forward in my walk. Thank you for the reminder that what I'm doing here is just as important to His kingdom!

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