at home.

February 27, 2013

I stay home.
A lot.
For several reasons really.
One being we live out in the boonies, without even a grocery store in town,
and it's about a 20-25 minute hike to pretty much everywhere.
Another reason is my kids are young and still nap.
Another is Jaymin has half day, afternoon kindergarten.
So if we venture somewhere in the morning,
we have to get back in time for lunch, school and naps.
By the time my littles are up from naps its time to get Jay.
By the time we get Jay, its time to start supper.
And there's my day. In a nutshell.
I haven't always loved this aspect of motherhood,
especially with a social, go-go-go personality like mine,
but I've recently been challenged and have come to embrace it.

A couple months ago I was angry and grumpy all the time.
Fed up with my kids by dinner time.
Just trying to make it to nap time, then bedtime,
then draaaaagging myself out of bed every morning.
Motherhood is hard.
And exhausting.
And grimy.
And there's no glory in it, whatsoever.
And I was making sure none of this was a secret.
Especially to my poor husband.
So he says,
If you're so unhappy here, if it sucks so bad, maybe you should get an outside job.
And my response is always,
I believe this is what's best for our kids, I'm doing it for them, yada yada yada.
But after our conversation I let his words really sink in...
And I was appalled at myself and my horrible attitude.
I was reeking of smoke.
Let me explain...

I'm studying the book of Daniel and we just discussed Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego
being tossed in the furnace for not bowing down to an idol.
Daniel 3:27 says
They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair on their heads singed;
their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.
Sometimes God asks us to walk through the fire
and he WILL refine us through it, if we let him,
but a lot of us walk around smelling like smoke from the fire we've been through.
If you only knew how hot that fire was.
If you only knew how tough my job is.
If you only knew my troubles.
How the heck are we supposed to bring God glory with an attitude like that?
Yes, our actions might be according to God's commands, but what about our attitude?
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were confident in their decision
to disobey the king and obey God, even to the point of death,
and when God delivered them through the fire, they didn't even smell like smoke.
And if anyone has the excuse to smell like smoke, it was these 3!!

After my husband ever so lovingly pointed out my ugly attitude
I knew I needed to remedy the situation immediately.
I had been out of bible study since November.
Hadn't done a daily devotional since Christmas.
And here I was in January, a full blown monster.
Man. I can't believe how much that time in the Word impacts my day,
my attitude, my outlook on life, so much.
So I grabbed a quick daily devotional on my YouVersion app
that was just long enough to get me to my next bible study session.
And then I set a new rule for myself,
to grab a warm drink, breakfast, snack, whatever,
sit down,
in a chair,
with my bible.
and do it.
Every morning. Sometimes afternoon.
FEED my soul.
With God's Word.
PRAY for wisdom, patience and kindness towards my children.
And for a better attitude towards them and my duties.
It took maybe 3 days of this plus choosing to be happy, choosing to have a good attitude
- maybe even FAKING it at times! -
before happiness became more common than grumpiness.
I needed to reset my spirit.
This isn't the first or the last time I'll have to do it.
But I'm glad I had someone who loves me enough to point out what I couldn't see,
and I'm glad I knew what Who could fix it.

I'm trying to embrace this season of life with my kids.
The slow pace.
The staying home so much.
It won't last forever and I know I'll wish for it again someday.
I'm trying to embrace the fact that its a blessing to be able to stay home with my kids.
To set our own schedule.
To do weekday bible studies.
To have a "laundry day".
To bake bread. And make dinner.
And to be here. For them.
To correct and love. To encourage and teach.

I've really enjoyed my time at home the last couple weeks since my "reset".
God has given me a peace here, of making a home, of cooking and baking for my family.
I believe he can give you peace and contentment in whatever your situation may be.
Even in a furnace.
And this home is far from that.

above photos:

1) I always thought it was a joke when parents made faces out of food
to get their kids to eat it. Turns actually works.

2) I won a label maker at a hospitality class.
I'm in organizational heaven up in here.

3) I'm learning to bake bread.
About every other week I bake a loaf of regular wheat bread for Jaymin
and a gluten-free loaf for Jett.
It's better for our budget and healthier for their bellies.
I'm still working on both recipes.
Me and yeast don't get along.
But we're getting there.


Kathy said...

I've been reading your blog for awhile. Thank you so much for sharing what you shared...I, too, stay home, have 3 young kids and rarely leave the house (it's too stinking cold here in Ne.!). I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in this journey.

Jenny said...

I am a full time mommy out in the boonies also. Thanks for this reminder. Also, please share your bread recipe once you think it is "good enough" :)

MaddyChristine Hope-Brokopp said...

Great and honest post. I am sure we all get there at times... I am currently in a weird situation myself. I just got married, no children and I am doing NOTHING with my day. It's a little more balanced than that but I am not allowed to work since I am going through the immigration process. It's very interesting and sometimes hard. Lately I have trouble getting up in the morning for what do I get up for. At some point the house is clean, bread is baked and dinner is cooked. And then I am reminded that this too shall pass. What a privilege to get a breather, adjust to this new life in a new country and focus on my husband and building something good. It is a blessing, more than a curse, I just need to remember that! Love to you!

Allyson C. said...

i'm soooo redoing my "pantry" spices with your cute jars and a lazy susan. pleeeeaaaase come over and help me with your label maker?? can we have a label maker date???
and p.s....shoot me your GF bread recipe.

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