The truth is.

June 13, 2012

Life is hard right now.
It's busy but not exciting. It's messy but not fun.
It's going too fast but the days drag.

I've been sick this week and it's brought me down a bit.
I'm not used to being sick for more than 3 days tops.
But not getting the rest you need slows down the healing process.
Remember getting sick as a kid and you got to go to bed
and your mom would bring you 7Up & tylenol?
Now you don't even get a nap.
There's no sick days for mamas.

My home feels too small and its closing in on me.
It's ugly and cluttered and dirty.
Despite my efforts to clean, organize, and decorate.
And those things make a type A, anal control freak like myself about lose it.

My kids are just kids but the constant needs, demands,
and messes are draining.

Money is tight. Money is always tight.
And that gets old. Really really old.

And ever since having child number 3
I've realized I can't do it all.
{A big time bummer for a personality like mine.}

I can't have a clean house
perfectly toned body
manicured fingers and toes
trendy outfit everyday
well behaved children
clean laundry
computer time
home cooked dinners
a social life
craft time
do fun activities with my kids
nurse my baby every 3 hrs
decorate my house
help support my family
serve in my church
and shower.

Something has to give.
I mean there literally are not enough hours in the day.

My house is usually messier than I like.
My nails are NEVER manicured
(& when I get a pedicure once a year it only lasts about a week
due to tripping on toys left on the floor,
and my children stepping on my toes
and running the shopping cart or stroller over them).
I NEVER have enough craft & computer time
(but really, is there ever "enough"? :) ).
I don't see my friends as much as I'd like.
I don't get enough dates with my husband.
I could go on and on.

And here's the thing... 
I have great kids.
They're sweet and funny and smart.
They're not any harder than any one else's.
My boys are busy. Very very busy. But most are.
And they're some of the nastiest humans I've ever met
but I'm guessing that's pretty normal too.
And I get to stay home with them
{and I realize what a blessing that is}
because my husband has a good job and works hard to provide for us.
I have a home. I have a car. I have a healthy family.
Huge blessings. I know that. But life is still hard sometimes.
Am I allowed to feel that way? Sometimes I don't think so.
Especially when there's women in Africa struggling to feed their children.
Women in India who have to worship God underground.
Women in America who can't conceive.
{mother's day - trying to get a picture with my 3 children}
I used to think super women existed.
And I wanted to be one of them.
Now I know that if someone appears to be super mom
its usually just a facade.
Not that they're necessarily putting on a front.
Just that it means not every area of their life is perfect.
It can't be.
Somewhere has to be lacking.
Cause no one can do it all.
No matter what they say, blog, or act like.

So if I don't want to miss my baby girl's smiles
and Jettison's hugs
and Jaymin's {neverending} inquiries
I have to slow down 
and be okay with the crumbs on the rug,
the dishes in the sink, the unanswered emails,
the fact that I'm still in my gym clothes at 5 o'clock.
All of it.
They, it, life
won't be like this forever.
Someday I'll vacuum once a month.
Someday I'll go to the gym every day cause I'll need something to do.
Someday I'll get to look in the mirror every single morning.
Someday I'll have my own business doing what I love.
Someday I'll have a house.

But I don't want to live for somedays.
I want to live for today.
Even if its hard.
I gotta get through the rain
and try to find the rays of sunshine in every day.

I don't consider myself a glass half empty kind of gal
but for some reason, at the end of the day,
all I can see are the things I didn't accomplish.
Whatever I got done is never good enough.
There's always one more thing I didn't get to.
But I think I need to change my way of thinking.

So this is what I did accomplish today:

my children are all alive
I made breakfast, lunch & dinner
 I nursed Jia 5 times
I worked out
got some sun
tended & cleaned up Jett's nose bleeds
cleaned my kitchen
made some money for my fam
I kissed Jia & squeezed her thighs
I showered
I wrote a blog post

Of course there were other glamorous things taking place,
such as diaper changes and dressing squirmy children,
but this is what I'm considering my "big" accomplishments of the day. ;)

So this is me proclaiming my imperfection.
Admitting I'm not super woman.
You know it.
I know it.
God definitely knows it.
 So when you see me hacking in the grocery store
in my gym clothes and no makeup
yelling at my children and using coupons
you won't be so heartbroken. ;)


Liz Pulice said...

I certainly can relate you how you've been feeling. I've been dreaming of the day we would get many more hours to finish everything that needs to be done.

Chelsea said...

Amen! I could seriously write this post practically word-for-word. I feel all these things, and then I feel guilty for feeling all these things, too. I'm always comparing myself, always feeling like I fall short of other moms who seemingly have it all together. It's nice to know we're all human and we all feel this way from time-to-time. Thanks for sharing these thoughts even though I know they aren't fun. Lots of good insight here. :)

Allyson C said...

you know i feel ya on this one. love you. i sense a mommas only pool date coming up SOON.

Buelows said...

I love your transparency and that you always share exactly what's on your heart. I feel this way all the time . It's expect ally hard when you want all those things and constantly fall short. You will always find me in yesterday's makeup , standard pony tail, a constant rotation of my only 3 outfits( that fit my up fit body)..... And I am totally ok with it. I stopped trying to fit in when I realized the ones that love me could care less about all that

Corey's Girl said...

Holy Moly-this is EXACTLY how I feel but I never could have expressed it all so perfectly! I've been in this place for such a long time-trying so hard not to miss the sweet moments and enjoy my babes, all while thinking I'm gonna go crazy and that I am not doing 'everything else' good enough. I've been doing a lot better lately and I am starting to see the light as my second is getting "better" and my third is getting older. But with a new phase presents new "challenges"! I pray that I can just enjoy them at each stage and not wish the time away! Such a great post Chelsea! Very inspiring so so many of us!!!!-----Marieta

amy D said...

this beautiful post has me in tears. too often, when i feel like this, i equate it to failure, which just isn't the right mindset at all. i think you are absolutely right that every person/woman struggles with this. so thank you for sharing today. thank you so much :) :)

jeanna said...

C- you just put into words how every.single.momma feels from time to time, who am i kidding, daily! but, we have the mind of christ and we can choose to take every thought captive and make it obedient to him. our time with our children is short and we can either cherish it or resent it. (cherish them or resent them) it's a constant struggle b/t selfishness and selflessness. we have to take care of ourselves and make sure we are getting time to do things other than "mother" but the more we stop resisting and just allow God to use us in our mission field, our home, the more contentment we find. joy isn't found in the mall, gym, spa or is in knowing we have spent a day that glorifies God because we are doing the hard stuff the good stuff, the eternal. love you heart, so pure.

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