JOY

April 13, 2008

So the other day I was at my parents house getting my eyebrows waxed (my mom is my personal esthetician - why you ask? - because you can't beat $free.99!) and as I was laying on her kitchen table (she's quite the professional) she looked down at me and said, "Wow, the circles under your eyes are really dark!" Now, this is something I wouldn't normally share (not one of my proudest moments) but there is meaning to this story that I DO want to share. And just for the record, my mom is notorious for pointing out my physical flaws; like when I'm walking around with a blemish the size of Texas on my forehead that's obvious to everyone she'll be the one to point it out or when I gained a few pounds in college and we're in the dressing room, "Wow, you really have gotten bigger." thanks mom. (It's alright mom, I ain't mad, I appreciate your honesty most of the time, I just think you're funny. :) ) So needless to say, I wasn't shocked at her honesty but I WAS shocked at the fact that the dark circles under my eyes are so noticeable to other people. I wasn't wearing any make-up (concealer is a girl's best friend baby) and that's probably why they stood out to her so much but when I thanked her (sarcastically) for her comment she said, "It's okay honey, life's just hard." Wow, I almost get teary just typing that.

Today in church the message was about abiding in Jesus and being so engrossed in a romantic relationship with him and so filled with joy that our lives should resemble a dance. And as I was sitting there, my mom's comment came to mind. I'm a 25-year-old with dark circles under my eyes. Now, I know I'm not 18 anymore and time takes its toll on your skin but I thought to myself.....I'm letting the world's weight get to me. I'm carrying around the huge burden of life: wondering how we're going to buy groceries, wondering how we're going to pay rent, buy warm clothes for our son, pay off school loans, handle another family death, another family crisis, mend relationships, end relationships, heal wounds, build my marriage, raise my son right, etc. and its all showing up on my face....and I didn't even realize it.......

This story isn't about vanity.....its about joy. And wondering if I've lost the ability to find joy in my life....... Life is hard. It doesn't get easier. Not with more money, a bigger house, more kids, less kids, a different spouse, perfect credit, or a better job. It's still gonna be hard. I realize that now. My dad always says, "In life, you're always coming out of crisis, in the middle of one, or headed into a new one." And I think that's so true. So, if that is really how life is, where's the hope? Well, the hope is in Jesus and the joy (which is a choice) is in us. Joy is a choice. So, if life's hard, and its always going to be hard, then why not make a point to seek out JOY. The silver lining to every cloud. It's seeing beauty in the snow falling down on my daffodils and hycinth in the middle of April. So what am I going to do? Lighten up. Hand over my burden (aka. life) to God (yet again), wash my hands, smile......and dance.

5 comments:

lizz said...

love your openness in you blog. you're dad was right, that just seems to be how life is, but when we press into the lord we can overcome all the darkness that wants to surround us. joy, definitely something to desire. i'll be praying for you guys.

Jason & Rene said...

wow..i needed to hear this today. thanks for your open heart and sharing your thoughts...so well..I might add. I met your lovely father today at fulk chiro..he was admiring evan while I was getting x-rayed. let me know if you need anything. not sure what size jaymin is wearing but I have a tub of al different sized clothes. my best friend christine laughs at me because I can never "pass up a deal" but they are yours to borrow if you need them.
love
Rene'

Erin said...

About the bugs...I totally feel the same way. I have heard about brown recluses and black widows since finding the centipedes. Mostly, my friends are teling me horrer stories about them, and then they say,"See? It't not as bad as that!" And, strangely, that has brought me some relief. I don't think anything will rot off if you get bit by a centipede. But, their soooo UGLY!

Tonia said...

I really liked this post, and can relate! I hope you guys are doing well!

Jeanna said...

so wise at 25. so much farther than i was at your age. there is hope in that alone. you have great perspective. hang in there! God is good, even in our crises. love, jeanna

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